Sweater weather will soon be coming to an end and for many reasons I'm actually quite happy about it. There was a time where I longed for colder weather because it meant I could hide behind bulky layers and never show an inch of skin and never be questioned for it.
Summer months were my hell not just because they tend to be hot as hell (pun intended) but because I was drowning in insecurities. I wouldn't show my legs or arms even if the heat burned me from the inside out.
I remember this one particularly HOT day, I was a junior in high school and I was giving a speech in front of my whole school campaigning to be voted senior class president (I won! In case you wanted to know) and not only were my nerves making me extra warm but it was well into the 90's and I had on long pants and a long-sleeved blazer. I remember actually pretending I was cold so that people wouldn't find it odd I was so covered up. They must of thought I was dying of some weird sickness because there was NO WAY anyone was cold in that weather. At one point, I must have gotten so over-heated, I had to ask to use the bathroom so I could take my blazer off and pat my sweat-soaked self down! That day has always burned red hot in my memory and I never want to get to that place again.
Until recently I never wore a dress, shorts are anything baring too much skin because I was so ashamed with the body I had. It was always something, my cellulite, my legs rubbing together or my eczema scars from childhood, I was seriously trapped in my own skin.
Now I understand I don't have the perfect body but also comprehend that nobody does, that is why photoshop exists, duh! I'm sure even the almighty Beyonce has a few cellulite spots she's not too thrilled with, but I feel what has really given me the confidence to love myself as I am is the cliche of learning to love my imperfections.
"ONCE YOU ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS NO ONE CAN USE THEM AGAINST YOU."
One day I got tired of pretending to be this happy and confident girl and decided to start actually being that happy and confident girl I portrayed to the world. It's a constant battle and I have some good days and some awful days, but that's life. Gotta learn to roll with the punches.
Yes, I recently lost 35 lbs and yes I do think that has played a small part in my self-esteem boost but in that weight loss journey I learned about myself and I learned I could do whatever I set my mind to. Whether it's weight loss or starting my fashion career through this blog. I have poured my heart and soul on this blog and I feel like it's a whole new chapter in my life and a new awakening which is why I appreciate every single reader and supporter of mine because you have all motivated me to keep going and I really hope I never disappoint any of you.
Well that ended up to be a novel, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!
Thanks for reading!
Sweater; Forever 21 // Blouse; Marshall's // Pants; H&M // Shoes; Dollhouse